


what if we held hands in our pyjama pants?

by thatfangirlingfreak



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, and johnny is a sweetheart, basically like a johnjae sleepover, bc I can't stop writing it, but w feelings and stuff, dealing w insecurities, dorm life insight again, jaehyun's just a sensitive boy, johnny calls jaehyun 'hyunnie', no mentions of anything d!spatch related btw, or...crush confessions??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24267577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfangirlingfreak/pseuds/thatfangirlingfreak
Summary: He hates himself for it, and he’d never say it aloud, but Johnny’s his weakness. So it’s really no surprise that he grumbles a ‘fuck it’ under his breath, and caves, even with tears still dripping down to his jawline.jae: fine but just so you know I’m breaking down rn loljohnny: on my way now.Or, Jaehyun feels like shit and Johnny goes up to his dorm to dry his eyes.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 31
Kudos: 257





	what if we held hands in our pyjama pants?

**Author's Note:**

> this is like stupid cheesy and short but I had this started in my drafts for a while now and I felt like after all the drama that went down today/yesterday it was necessary to finish...mostly bc I needed it to comfort myself lol
> 
> anyways more canon compliant dorm life johnjae bc I don't know why I'm so sorry I promise I'm working on au stuff rn it's just hard to find motivation during quarantine but I'm doing my best
> 
> title from pyjama pants by cavetown!

Jaehyun tries his best to get out of bed and leave the room as quietly as possible, practically holding his breath so that he won’t wake Jungwoo up.

As soon as he manages to pull the door shut, he’s back to letting out shaky breaths and praying his sniffling isn’t as loud as it sounds in his ears. He wipes at the tear rolling down his cheek, and he doesn’t even need a mirror to know he must look disgusting and snotty right now.

He quietly shuffles into the living room area, and sits on the couch, just him and the darkness. But he only cries harder as he sits there, alone.

To be honest, he doesn’t even know why he’s crying anymore. All he knows is that once he started, he hadn’t been able to stop, and now he feels like he’s caught in a never-ending downward spiral.

Jaehyun lets his head fall back against the couch, and stares up at the blank ceiling, letting the dark absorb him as if it will devour his hurt, too. 

Then, he’s startled by his phone blinking to life in his sweatpants pocket, the light piercing through the black room. He pulls it out to see he’s got one new message.

**johnny** : can’t sleep…what are you doing rn?

Jaehyun takes a shaky breath, swiping his phone open to respond. What could he even say? If they hang out right now, Johnny will know he’s been crying just from one look at his face. Not to mention he’s just not in the mood to do anything or see anyone.

**jae** : trying to sleep

**johnny** : seems to be working well, considering ur still awake

**jae** : haha

**johnny** : rude

**johnny** : cmon let’s hang out, I’ll even come to you this time

He bites his lip, mind scrambling for an excuse to turn Johnny down that sounds believable and reasonable.

**jae** : why can’t we just text?? I don’t want to wake up the guys ://

**johnny** : you know they won’t wake up for shit

**johnny** : also it’s not the same over textttt

Jaehyun rolls his eyes at the older man’s persistence. Why couldn’t he just give up every once in a while?

**jae** : wow someone’s needy tonight

**johnny** : maybe a little

**johnny** : the distance between the 5th floor and the 10th has never felt so far :’(

He hates himself for it, and he’d never say it aloud, but Johnny’s his weakness. So it’s really no surprise that he grumbles a ‘fuck it’ under his breath, and caves, even with tears still dripping down to his jawline.

**jae** : fine but just so you know I’m breaking down rn lol

**johnny** : on my way now.

As soon as the reply comes in barely a second after he’s sent his own text, Jaehyun sighs and clicks his phone off, tossing it to the side. He runs his hands through his hair, gripping at it randomly as he begins to cry harder.

He probably looks as pathetic as he feels, and he regrets letting Johnny come over. How was he going to explain himself when he doesn’t even know why he feels what he feels? He was bringing him into his mess unnecessarily.

Just when he’s about to text him not to come after all, he hears the soft knock at the door, and goes to answer it.

“Jae,” Johnny whispers when the door opens. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” he starts, but doesn’t know how to finish. He feels another bout of tears pool at his lashline, and then Johnny takes his wet face in his hands and gently attempts to wipe some tears away.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he murmurs, pulling Jaehyun into his chest and just holding him, right there in the doorway. “You don’t have to say anything, yeah?”

Jaehyun nods, and lets out quiet sobs into Johnny’s sweatshirt as the older man rubs circles into his back to soothe him. His kindness almost makes him want to cry harder, stupidly.

They stand like that until Jaehyun’s not sure how much time has passed. Eventually, he pulls back to look up at Johnny and asks, “Can…can we maybe sit on the couch?”

“Of course,” Johnny says immediately, before entering the dorm fully and shutting the door behind them. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something? I can make us some tea while you pick.”

Jaehyun smiles at this, and it feels good to do so after being so emotional. “That sounds nice.”

“Okay,” Johnny replies, then switches on a nearby light. “You guys keep it way too dark up here, how am I supposed to see your cute little face if it’s pitch black?” he asks, cooing as he pinches one of Jaehyun’s cheeks.

He slaps his hand away, feeling the heat rush to his ears already. “Stop it. I look gross, anyways.”

Johnny frowns. “Not true. Stop being mean to yourself or you’ll get no tea.”

“Fine,” he huffs, shuffling over to the couch again and switching the TV on to find a decent enough movie to watch. He searches halfheartedly as Johnny enters the kitchen and starts preparing their warm drinks.

“Do you want earl grey?”

“Yes, please. Do you want to bum off Mark’s Disney+ account?”

He glances over to meet Johnny’s gaze and his wide grin, aimed directly at him. “Is that even a question? Absolutely.”

Jaehyun smiles to himself and begins to browse amongst all the classic films, looking for something lighthearted and comforting. He really doesn’t want to cry in front of Johnny again tonight.

And then Johnny comes over with two steaming mugs, tea bags and spoons sticking out the top of each, smiles proudly as he sets them down on the coffee table, and says,

“I put in extra honey for my Hyunnie.”

And Jaehyun kind of does feel like crying again.

“You’re so lame,” he groans, hoping that Johnny can’t make out his blush under the dim lights. “That wasn’t even a good pun.”

Johnny lets his jaw drop, pretending to be offended, but the smile playing at the edges of his mouth gives him away. “How dare you, Jaehyunnie? My puns are always excellent. I could win awards for my work.”

“Please, you could barely get a participation award for shit like that.”

Johnny rushes towards him and tackles him, pinning his arms against the couch as Jaehyun lets out a delighted laugh that shakes his whole chest. They wrestle around, play fighting with one another until one of them accidentally hits the coffee table with one of their limbs, and the sound of the spoons clattering against the mugs startles them.

Jaehyun freezes in place, which just happens to be on top of Johnny’s lap, and looks over to make sure no tea has spilled.

“Are we good, what’s the verdict?” Johnny asks from underneath him, face flushed from attempting to fight. “Should I make some more?”

“I think we’re good,” he replies, seeing only a few drops on the table. Not that it would matter, since everyone in their dorm was rather lax with messes. “Guess I win, then.”

Johnny scoffs. “Only ‘cause I let you.”

Jaehyun sticks his tongue out at him playfully. “Whatever you wanna believe, Suh.”

The man beneath him simply hums, and then suddenly, Jaehyun is made painfully aware of their position. He can feel Johnny’s big hands resting gently on his hips, his thumbs slipping just beneath Jaehyun’s thin t-shirt, rubbing soothing circles at the skin there.

His own hands are against Johnny’s chest, and he can faintly make out the feel of his heartbeat, steady, yet fast. Jaehyun looks at the ground bashfully, wondering if Johnny can feel his own pulse racing.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” the older man murmurs, looking up at him with those big brown eyes that made him feel more warm inside than any cup of tea ever could. “No pressure, or anything, of course.”

Jaehyun sighs and slides off his lap; Johnny sits up and moves his legs to allow him to occupy the spot next to him on the couch. He picks up one of the mugs and lets the steam warm his face for a moment, trying to think of an eloquent way to explain himself.

“I don’t know,” he eventually sighs, unsure of what to say after all. “I know I should have a reason, but I don’t, I just felt…sad. It’s weird, right? Getting sad for no reason?”

Johnny shakes his head. “No it’s not, Jae. It happens to everyone, you’re normal.”

“Not you, though,” Jaehyun says, taking a long slurp of tea. “You always make everyone happier, and are so positive all the time. I don’t know how you do it. Sometimes I feel incapable of even smiling.”

“Hey, I used to deal with my fair share of sadness, too. But I found things that made me happy, people who made me happy, and it made me want to be a source of happiness, too. I’ve just learnt to take care of myself before I expend my energy on everyone else,” he replies. “It took me a long time to figure out that balance. You’ll figure it out, too. I’ll be here to help you figure it out, yeah?”

Jaehyun nods, taking comfort in Johnny’s wisdom. “Yeah, thanks, hyung.”  


“Now, let’s watch this movie, hm?”  


As the film flickers to life on the screen, Jaehyun eases back into the couch, into the feeling of his thigh pressed against Johnny’s as they sit close together. Letting himself get sucked into the plot of the film, he feels like he can finally breathe again, and shed his pain off for a while.

About halfway through, Johnny rests one of his hands on his sweatpants, and it sends sparks up Jaehyun’s body. He tries in vain to ignore it, and distract himself with the movie.

But then Johnny takes it upon himself to take one of his hands in his, and intertwine their fingers, and honestly, he’s seen this movie plenty of times anyways.

He’s never felt the warmth, calloused hands and rough fingertips of Johnny’s hand like this, so intimately and for so long, before, though. Jaehyun tries not to let himself overthink it. Knowing Johnny, it’s probably just a friendly, comforting gesture. He loved to be affectionate with his friends, express all of his emotions boldly and freely in a way Jaehyun never could.

When the film ends and the credits begin to roll, they’re still holding hands. Jaehyun even loosens his grip slightly, but Johnny only squeezes his hand tighter.

“Man, that ending always tugs at my heartstrings,” Johnny sighs. “You done with your tea?”

Jaehyun nods and Johnny lets go of his hand to pick up both of their empty mugs, and carries them to the sink. Jaehyun gazes at him as he washes them as quietly as possible, then sets them on the counter to dry.

While Johnny wipes his hands on a nearby dish towel, Jaehyun asks, “Do you wanna just stay here tonight? I mean, there’s no point going all the way back down there, it’s super late…”

Johnny looks up at him and smiles. “Thought you’d never ask. C’mon, let’s go brush our teeth.”

Side by side, they walk on tiptoe towards the bathroom. Johnny tries to hip check him a couple times on the way, purposely hoping to make Jaehyun lose his balance, but all he does is make the younger boy giggle (his real goal all along).

Fortunately, they make it there without any incidents that could potentially wake up the whole floor. As Jaehyun reaches for his toothbrush, Johnny whips his own from out of nowhere.

“Did you bring that with you?” Jaehyun asks, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

Johnny shrugs, running his toothbrush under the water. “Yeah. I came prepared.”

“Oh, so you just assumed I’d ask you to stay over?”

The older man sticks the toothbrush in his mouth instead of replying, and shoots a suave-as-ever wink in his direction. Jaehyun rolls his eyes and begins to brush his own teeth, but not before he uses their close proximity in front of the vanity to his advantage, and bumps his hip into Johnny’s for revenge.

This makes the American let out a muffled yelp, and he glares at Jaehyun through the mirror. He bends down to spit, then lifts his head and says, “Rude.”

Jaehyun smirks as best as he can around the toothbrush in his mouth, then leans down to spit out his own concoction of mint toothpaste and saliva. He grins his newly pearly whites at Johnny. “Sorry.”

Then, he reaches over to grab the headband he uses whenever he washes his face, and puts it on. Johnny coos at the sight, and reaches up to play with the long bits of hair flopping over the sides of the plastic band. 

“Cute.”

Jaehyun scrunches his nose up in distaste at the comment. He stares at his reflection in the mirror, taking note of the blotches of red and puffiness beneath his eyes that developed from his crying sessions.

“My face is red and ugly,” he says, squeezing out some facial cleanser onto his fingertips, “but okay.”

Johnny frowns and takes Jaehyun’s face into his hands. “Hey, look at me.” He obeys, looking up at him. “You’re beautiful, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun turns his face away, and starts rubbing the product on his skin. “How can anyone be beautiful after crying?” he huffs. How could anyone care for him, of all people, so unconditionally?

“Because,” Johnny says, like it summed everything up perfectly. Like it was an obvious, simple answer. “You’ll always be beautiful in my eyes.”

He splashes some water on his face to get rid of the cleanser’s residue, and blinks away the droplets that had collected on his long eyelashes. “Gee, thanks. I’m sure I look stunning right now.”

Johnny laughs at Jaehyun’s peeved expression, water dripping down his chin. “Yep. Still pretty.”

“Thanks,” he would glare at the elder in that moment, if he could open his eyes. “Can you hand me a towel, now?”

Johnny passes him one of the fluffy grey towels, and Jaehyun feels more refreshed once he’s dry and squeaky clean. He sets the towel back on the rack and reaches over to open his jar of moisturizer, when Johnny stops him by pressing a hand to his arm.

“Wait,” he says. “Can I do it?”

“What, put moisturizer on my face?” Johnny nods, in a way that reminds him of a dog’s wagging tail, for some reason. “I mean, I guess?”

Johnny grins and cleans his fingertips off on the towel, then takes the open jar and places some of the lotion on his hand. His expression shifts into something more serious as he looks down at Jaehyun’s face, and he feels shy under his full attention.

“This part of your face is pretty,” Johnny murmurs, swiping some moisturizer along his right cheekbone. “And this part.” Another stripe goes on the opposing side.

A bewildered laugh bubbles from the back of Jaehyun’s throat. “What are you doing?”

“Shh, I’m busy, Hyunnie,” he scolds. “I like this part of your face, and this part…”

Johnny rubs the lotion in, and Jaehyun can’t help but giggle at the weird sensation, but appreciates how his hyung continues to insist that every last inch of his face was beautiful. It made his heart beat ridiculously fast, for the millionth time that night.

“I think you used a bit too much moisturizer,” Jaehyun comments when Johnny finishes his ‘work,’ “but thank you.”

Johnny grins as he cleans his hands off. “You’re welcome. Just reminding you of what you should already know.”

“Okay, I get it,” he sighs, then mutters, “I’m beautiful.”

“What was that? I couldn’t quite catch that,” Johnny cups a hand around his ear, leaning in as if he was trying to hear him better.

“I’m beautiful,” he says firmly, with more confidence. “There, happy?”

Johnny smiles so wide, his eyes crinkle at the edges with joy. “Very.” He pulls Jaehyun for a hug, and the younger man rests his head against his chest. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, hyung.” And then, he can’t help himself. “Hey, Johnny?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you saying all these kind things to me?”

Jaehyun watches Johnny blush through the mirror, and feels like he’s witnessed a rare sight. “C’mon, you know why…”

He looks up at him, pressing his chin into the elder’s chest. “No, I don’t.”

Johnny sighs, then meets his gaze. “Jaehyun, I like you. Not only that, but I care about you and I don’t like to see you hurting.”

Jaehyun backs out of his grasp slightly. “You…you don’t mean that. You’re just saying that to be nice again…”

“Hyunnie, you can’t be serious,” he frowns, then picks up Jaehyun’s left hand and places it against his chest. There, he can feel the frantic beat of Johnny’s heart. “You can feel it, right?  How could I be lying about this?”

Jaehyun’s frozen in place, at a loss for words. “But I’m,” he hesitates, “I’m _me_. Why…?”

Johnny chuckles, but it’s nothing like his real, genuine laugh. It’s lower, sadder, darker. “Jaehyun, what? That’s exactly why I like you. Because you’re you. You can make me smile and laugh like no one else can, even just by looking at me or saying one word. You make me so, so happy. You know me better than anyone else, and you make me feel like I can be myself around you no matter what.”

“I feel like that around you, too,” Jaehyun murmurs quietly.

“I’m glad,” Johnny sends him a warm smile. “I truly, really like you, Jaehyun. Maybe you can’t believe that right now, but I’ll do everything I can to help you see it, if you’ll let me.”  


“Really?” he asks, looking up at the older man with wide, innocent eyes. “Even kiss me?”

Johnny laughs, his real, glorious, better than music laugh, and cups Jaehyun’s cheeks like he’s the most precious thing in the world as he pulls him in for a kiss. He can taste the strawberry chapstick Johnny got in a gift set clashing with the peach one he wears, ironically also given to him by Johnny. It makes him smile. The kiss is comforting and electrifying, like he was coming home and running through the city all at once. It’s him, and it’s Johnny, and it’s perfect.

When they inevitably pull apart, Johnny whispers against his lips, “You’re amazing, y’know that?”

“I didn’t, but,” he smiles softly, “I think I’m starting to believe it.”

“Good,” Johnny kisses him again, then gives him a fond look. “You deserve to know that. I’m gonna remind you everyday of how wonderful you are.”

“You already do that anyways,” Jaehyun scoffs, thinking of all the daily positive good morning texts he got from Johnny, and all his appreciative good night messages.

“I know, but now I get to kiss you,” he grins cheekily, then sobers into a more concerned expression. “I do get to kiss you now, right? Like…this is okay?”

Jaehyun laughs at his stupidity, and wraps his arms around his neck as he steps onto his tiptoes to kiss him deeply. “It’s definitely okay.”

“Cool,” Johnny grins, until Jaehyun lets out a yawn. “Getting sleepy?”

“A little,” he replies. “I guess we’re gonna have to sleep on the couch, Woo’s kind of a light sleeper.”

“Okay,” Johnny agrees, reaching up to take the plastic headband off Jaehyun’s head for him. He runs his hand through the younger man’s messy locks. “Let’s get my little Hyunnie to bed, hmm?”

“Gross,” Jaehyun groans, even as his heart clenches at the nickname, just as it had all evening. “Are you gonna be like this all the time, now?”

“I know you like it,” Johnny winks. “Do you want me to go grab your comforter?”

“You’ve done enough for me tonight, let me go get it,” he insists. “I’ll meet you out there.”

Jaehyun quietly opens the door to his shared bedroom, and carefully extracts the comforter from his bed, barely breathing the whole time in fear of waking his roommate. His mission is successful, and he bundles the bulky item in his arms as he creeps back into the living room.

When he reaches his destination, he’s met with the most adorable sight in the whole world.

Johnny’s got a fuzzy blanket over his head and wrapped around his body, making him look like he’s in a tiny, fluffy cocoon. When he notices that Jaehyun’s returned, his eyes light up in a hopeful, innocent way. It was the same expression Johnny wore when he looked up at the stars at night, or staring out at their crowds at concerts.

For the first time, Jaehyun realizes that maybe he was as important as those things. Maybe he was just as worthy of appreciation and love as every star in the sky, every fan in the audience. Maybe Johnny was right.

“Hey,” the older man greets, interrupting his train of thoughts. “I stole this blanket from Mark’s room.”

Jaehyun laughs as quietly as he can, shuffling towards the couch and dropping the comforter in a pile adjacent to Johnny. “Did he not wake up?”

“Are you kidding? That kid could sleep through earthquakes,” Johnny retorts, reclining back against the armrest. “C’mere, let’s cuddle.”

Jaehyun shakes his head at his antics, but slots himself in the open space Johnny’s made for him anyways. “You know this sleeping arrangement would literally not work unless we were cuddling, right?”

“Ah, so that’s why you insisted that we should sleep out here, huh?” Johnny smirks down at him, wrapping his arms around the younger boy after pulling the comforter over top of their bodies. “I would’ve cuddled you either way, baby, don’t worry.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “You’re cuter when you shut up, you know?”

Johnny quirks an eyebrow. “Then shut me up.”

Their lips collide once more, Jaehyun sliding his left leg in between Johnny’s and resting the other on his hyung’s hip, trying to get as close as possible. One of Johnny’s hands makes its way down to cup his ass, and Jaehyun licks into his mouth in retaliation. With their tongues and bodies entangled, they make out beneath the covers like that for a while. That is, until it gets way too hot, and Jaehyun can feel that Johnny’s half-hard in his thin pyjama pants.

“I thought you were sleepy,” Johnny pants, eyes dark and lids low. It’s quite the sight.

“I am,” Jaehyun replies, and plants a kiss to Johnny’s lips one last time, before turning around in his arms to face away from him. “Good night.”

“Already testing my patience,” Johnny grumbles. “I see how it is.”

Jaehyun fakes snoring and Johnny huffs against his neck, but kisses him on the temple regardless. “Good night, Jaehyun, sweet dreams.”

After a few minutes, Jaehyun starts to relax, and he feels the most at peace he’s been in months just by having Johnny’s arms around him. Letting the safety and happiness settle over him, Jaehyun can feel himself start to doze off.

That is, until he overhears Johnny whispering something.

“…I just hope you’re okay,” he hears him say. “Well, you don’t have to be okay all the time, of course, but…I just hope you’ll be able to feel okay. That you know people care about you, that I care about you. And you are such a good person, one of the best I’ve ever met. You deserve to be happy, and I hope I can help make you happy for a long time. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you understand how beloved you are, how special you are, how important you are…”

Jaehyun almost cries, but doesn’t want Johnny to know he’s heard him.

“God, I just,” Johnny pauses, as if trying to come up with the words, “I just hope you know how much I care about you, Jaehyun. I promise I’m gonna prove it to you until you know, yeah?” He stops, laughing to himself. “I guess this was pretty dumb since you can’t hear me, but I just…needed to say it? I don’t know. Good night, my Hyunnie. I hope you rest well.”

He feels Johnny’s breathing even out, and stares at the ceiling with a wide, dimpled smile on his face and wonders in disbelief how he was lucky enough to have such an incredible person in his life.

“Good night, Johnny,” he whispers before he drifts off, already on cloud nine before he’s even asleep.

—

The next morning, Jungwoo, Yuta, Taeil, and Mark stand in the living room, staring at the intertwined, sleeping pile of Johnny and Jaehyun on their couch.

“Well, who’s gonna call Taeyong and tell him that Johnny didn’t get kidnapped?”

**Author's Note:**

> stream punch and show all the love for jung jaehyun bc that man deserves the world!! <3
> 
> johnjae enthusiasts pls follow me:  
> twitter: @mediumsuh  
> tumblr: thatfangirlingfreak  
> curiouscat: [infinitywarmth](https://curiouscat.qa/infinitywarmth)


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